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All posts for the month August, 2015

You wake up every day. You don’t bother getting dressed because you aren’t going anywhere so who cares what you look like. You go to work when it’s time then you go back home. You play games and watch cartoons all day long because that’s what you know. You’re so afraid of the unknown that you won’t go out, you won’t call people, you won’t go buy groceries, you won’t go some place you’re not expected, and you especially won’t ask that cute girl you know out.

Every day you ask yourself, “what is wrong with me?” And the answer is always, “I don’t know.”

You tell yourself, “tomorrow I’m going to tell her I like her.” When tomorrow comes, all you can think about is that you’ll just freak her out or she’ll think you’re a creep. You know she won’t, so what are you really afraid of? Are you afraid she’ll do what the last girl did – step over your query like one steps over a piece of trash on the street, avoid you, and never speak to you again or are you afraid she’ll say she likes you too and you’ll have to go on dates and be social… in public… where you can feel everybody’s eyes staring at you, judging you? Yes, to both, but what scares you the most is that you you’ll give her everything you’re physically and mentally capable of and it might not be enough.

You have social anxiety – the brick wall that surrounds your comfort zone. On top of that, you have two separate yet linked debilitating medical conditions that leave you drained. These things make you depressed, so while you’re home playing games and watching cartoons, you wallow in your own self-pity and lament on Facebook about the things that could have been.